LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS (OR WILL MAKE MARKET GO UP)

Hi,

Yesterday, President Obama gave a speech in Pittsburgh. There's lots of stories about this on the Internet. Basically, the President was talking about how bad the economy is. He said we need to do a few things:

• Financial Reform
• Health Care Reform
• Fiscal Austerity.

Now, he also talked about being energy independent, reducing our need for oil. This is all well and good. I'm sure he's working very hard to solve the problem. Maybe he's right, maybe he's wrong. I don't know. I'm just a cat.



But, there was something he said in the speech that makes me wonder. Let me quote it here:

After losing an average of 750,000 jobs a month during the winter of last year, we’ve now added jobs for five of the last six months, and we expect to see strong job growth in Friday’s report..

I think the President just leaked the jobs report. Isn't that kind of illegal? I think it was President Nixon who said, "If the President does it, then it isn't illegal."




Thanks,
Manny

O HAI,

YESTERDAI, PREZIDENT OBAMA GIVEZ A SPEECH IN PITTSBURGH. THEREZ LOTZ OV STOREEZ ABOUT THIS ON TEH INTERWEBZ. BASICALLEE, TEH PREZIDENT WUZ TALKING ABOUT HAO BAD TEH ECONOMEE IZ. HE SEZ WE NEED TO DO A FEW THINGZ:

• FINANSHUL REFORM
• HEALTH CARE REFORM
• FISKAL AUSTERITEE.

NAO, HE ALSO TALKED ABOUT BEING ENERGY INDEPEDANT, REDUSING OUR NEED FOR OIL. THIS IZ ALL WELL AND GUD. IM SHUR HEZ WURKING VERY HARD TO SOLVE TEH PROBLEMZ. MAIBEE HEZ RITE, MAIBEE HEZ WRONG. I DUZNT KNO. IZ JUST A KAT.



BUT, THERE WUZ SUMTHING HE SEZ IN TEH SPEECH THAT MAKEZ ME WUNDER. LETZ ME QUOTE IT HERE:

AFTER LOZING AN AVERAGE OV 750,000 JOBZ A MONTH DURING TEH WINTER OV LAST YEAR, WEZ NAO ADDED JOBZ FOR FIVE OV TEH LAST SIX MONTHZ, AND WE EXPECT TO SEE STRONG JOB GROWTH IN FRIDAIZ REPORT.

I THINKZ TEH PREZIDENT JUST LEEKED TEH JOBZ REPORT. IZNT THAT KIND OV ILLEEGAL? I THINKZ IT WUZ PREZIDENT NIXON WHO SED, "IF TEH PREZIDENT DUZ IT, THEN IT IZNT ILLEEGAL."




K THX BAI,
MANNIE

BIG PILES OF MONEY!

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Hi,

Today, I found a nice article about one of my senators, Chuck Schumer. Many years ago, before I was born, Chuck tells the hedge fund industy that they need to lobby Congress more. The hedge fund industry went from donating USD$500K in 2006 to USD$6M in 2007. Most of that money went to Chuck and now President Obama. The story is here: http://bit.ly/arTRNB.

It's a very smart plan. Chuck gave many speeches saying that hedge funds need more regulation. Then the hedge funds give Chuck more money. Then Chuck makes new rules that help hedge funds. It's a brilliant world domination plan.

By the way, the hedge funds gave almost USD$12M to the Democrats. That's twice what the GOP got. Now you know why the President and Congress is doing so little to change the financial system. They know where the money comes from. Like I always say, the only thing wrong with an oligarchy is that I'm not an oligarch.

USD$12M!!! For the amount of money, I could buy thumbs.

Thanks,
Manny

O HAI,

TODAI, I FIND NICE ARTIKEL ABOUT ONE OV MAI SENATORZ, CHUCK SHUMER. MANY YEERZ AGO, BEFOAR I WUZ BORN, CHUCK TELLZ TEH HEDGE FUNDZ INDUSTREE THAT THEY NEEDZ TO LOBBY CONGRSS MOAR. TEH HEDGE FUND INDUSTREE WENT FRUM USD$500K IN 2006 TO USD$6M IN 2007. MOST OV THAT MUNNY WENT TO CHUCK AND NAO PREZIDENT OBAMA. TEH STORY IZ HERE: http://bit.ly/arTRNB.

IZ VERY SMART PLAN. CHUCK MAKEZ MANY SPEECHEZ SAYING TEH HEDGE FUNDZ NEEDZ MOAR REGULASHUN. THEN TEH HEDGE FUNDZ GIVEZ CHUCK MOAR MUNNY. THEN CHUCK MAKEZ NEW RULEZ THAT HELP HEDGE FUNDZ. IZ BRILLIANT WURLD DOMINASHUN PLAN.

BAI TEH WAY, TEH HEDGE FUNDZ GIVES ALMOST USD$12M TO TEH DEMOCRATZ. THATZ TWICE WHUT TEH GOP GOTZ. NAO YOU KNOWZ WAI TEH PREZIDENT AND CONGRESS DUZ SO LITTEL TO CHANGE TEH FINANSHAL SYSTEM. THEY KNOWZ WHER TEH MUNNY COMEZ FRUM. LIEK I ALWAYZ SEZ TEH ONLY THING WRONG WITH OLIGARKEY IZ THAT IM NOT OLIGARK.

USD$12M!1! FOR THAT MUNNY, I COULD BAI THUMBZ.

K THX BAI,
MANNIE

WICH WUD YOU CHOOZ?

NOBODY PUTZ GOLDMAN SACHS IN TEH CORNER, PART TWO

VS.

Hi,

The market was down over 300 hundred points earlier today. It opened very sharply down. Here is a chart:

Bad Day At The Dow

Now, I'm just a cat, but I have to wonder what made the market fall so much? Is it Europe? Is it the Chinese? Then I found the answer. I read this: http://bit.ly/cLEAlI. It's a report of a book review of President Obama's first few months in office. The review is here: http://bit.ly/9FwbD0.

The best part is President Obama's comment of Lloyd "Angry Man" Blankfein of Goldman Sachs:

These guys want to be paid like rock stars when all they're doing is lip-syncing capitalism.

Now, the original review was published by the LA Times last night. Lloyd must have read the quote and gotten angry (he has anger issues). Remember what I wrote a while back? Nobody puts Goldman Sachs in the corner. Lloyd is so mad, he's teaching President Obama who's really in charge.

Thanks,
Manny

O HAI,

TEH MARKET WUZ DOWN OVER 300 HUNNERD POINTZ EARLIER TODAI. IT OPEND VERY SHARPLY DOWN. HERE IZ PIKTUR.

BAD DAI AT TEH DOW

NAO, IZ JUST A KAT, BUT I HAZ TO WUNDER, WHUT MAKEZ TEH MARKET FALL SO MUCH? IZ IT YOURUP? IZ TEH CHINEZE? THEN I FINDZ TEH ANSWER. I REEDZ THIS: http://bit.ly/cLEAlI. IZ REPORT OV BOOK REVIEW OV TEH PREZIDENTZ FIRST FEW MONTHZ IN OFFICE. TEH REVIEW IZ HERE: http://bit.ly/9FwbD0.

TEH BEST PART IZ TEH PREZIDENTZ COMMENT OV LLYOD "ANGRY MAN" BLANKFEIN OV GOLDMAN SACKZ:

THESE GUYZ WANTZ TO BE PAYD LIKE ROCK STARZ WHEN ALL THEYZ DOING IZ LIP-SINKING CAPITALIZM.

NAO, TEH ORIGINAL REVIEW WUZ PUBLISHED BAI TEH LA TIMEZ, LAST NIGHT. LLYOD MUST HAVE READ TEH QUOTE AND GOTTEN ANGRY (HE IZ ANGRY, ANGRY MAN). REMEBERZ WHUT I WROTE A WILE BACK? NOBODY PUTZ GOLDMAN SACKZ IN TEH CORNER. LLYOD IZ SO MADZ, HEZ TEECHING TEH PREZIDENT WHOZ REELY IN CHARGE.

K THX BAI,
MANNIE

GET TEH LED OUT!

UPDATE: MAI DADDIE TRIED TO ESPLANE TEH DIFFERENCE BETWEEN JOHN PAUL STEVENS AND JOHN PAUL JONES. IZ STILL CONFUZED, BUT I GUESS THEYZ R 2 DIFFERENT PEEPLE. IZ SORRY 4 TEH CONFUSHUN.


O HAI,

I RED DIS STORY 2DAI ABOUT JOHN PAUL STEVENS RETIRING FRUM TEH SUPREM COURT: http://bit.ly/bLxapX

I WUZ SAD 2 HEER DAT DIS ESSTEEMD MAN WUZ LEAVIN TEH COURT. HE HAZ MAYD MANY GUD DECISHUNS AND OPPOSED MANY BAD ONEZ. I THINKZ TEH PREZIDENT IZ GOING 2 HAF HARD TIME FINDING A REPLACEMENT.

BUT DEN, I WUZ HAPPY BECAUZ I REALIZED DAT MAYBEE HE WILL HAZ TIME 2 TOUR AGAIN! MAYBEE LED ZEPPLIN WILL GIT BAK 2GETHR!

LED ZEPPLIN MAKS TEH MUSIC BEHIND MAI FAVORIT SONG. HERE IZ A BAD VERSHUN:



IF U WANTZ BETTR VERSHUN, GO HERE: http://bit.ly/brn3WW

K THX BAI,
MANNIE

Nuclear not Nucular Part 2

O HAI,

I GOTZ AN EMALE FROM TEH COUNSIL OF FOREN RELASHUNZ (CFR) 2DAI. IT TOLE ME DAT TEH NEW PREZIDENT HAS A BUNCH OV HIS FRIENDZ VISITTING HIM N WASHINGTON DC. (HEREZ TEH EMALE I GOT: http://bit.ly/abfOkV)

TEH THING IZ, IN TEH MIDDLE OV TEH EMALE, IT SEZ DIS:
LEADERZ DID NOT AGREE 2 LEGALLY BINDIN PLANZ 2 SECURE SPECIFIK AMOUNTZ OV NUCLEAR MATERIAL OR 2 CONVERT NUCLEAR REACTORS 4 HIGHLY ENRICHD URANIUM INTO LOWR-GRADE FUEL. TEH DOCUMENT THEY SIGND INSTEAD COMMITTD 2 MAKIN DOSE CONVERSHUNS VOLUNTARILY, WER "APPROPRIATE" AN "FEASIBLE."

DIS SOUNDZ KIND OV FUNNIE 2 ME. SORT OV LIK WEN IZ PROMIZ NOT 2 EET TEH PLANTZ WEN MAI MOMMIE AND DADDIE CATCH ME, BUT DEN I DOEZ IT ANYWAYZ WEN DEY NOT HOME. HOWZ WE GOING 2 KNO WEN DEY FOLLOWINGZ TEH RULEZ?

IF SOMEONEZ KNOWZ, PLZ TELL ME. I FINKS DIS IZ IMPORTANT 4 MAI PLANZ OV WURLD DOMINASHUN.

K THX BAI,
MANNIE