GOLDMAN SACHS SAYS SCREW YOU TOO

Hi,

Yesterday, I told you how Goldman Sachs, my world domination heroes, was telling all their clients it is a good time to buy stocks: http://bit.ly/9niuMT.

Well today, the markets are down all over the world. This is because of the threat of war in Korea, and the problems in Europe (This time it's Spain. Spain is a pain).

But Goldman Sachs is up! That's because smart people know that Goldman Sachs made money yesterday from their customers. They told their customers to buy stocks - the customers did - from Goldman Sachs. So now Goldman Sachs isn't hold any stocks that went down. They just have cash.

 
Must be nice to be able to mess with you customers all the time.

Thanks,
Manny

O HAI,

YESTERDAI, I TOLD YOU HOW GOLDMAN SACKZ, MAI WURLD DOMINATION HEROZ, WAS TELLING ALL THER CLIENTZ IT IZ GUD TIME TO BAI STOCKZ: http://bit.ly/9niuMT.

WELL TODAI, TEH MARKETZ ARE DOWN ALL OVER TEH WURLD. THIS IZ BECAUZ OV TEH THREAT OV WAR IN KOREA, AND TEH PROBLEMZ IN YOURUP (THIS TIME IZ SPAIN. SPAIN IZ A PAIN).

BUT GOLDMAN SACKZ IZ UP! THATZ BECAUZ SMART PEEPLE KNOWZ THAT GOLDMAN SACKZ MADEZ MUNNY YESTERDAI FRUM THER CUSTOMERZ! THEY TELLZ THER CUSTOMERZ TO BAI STOCKZ - SO TEH CUSTOMERZ DO - FRUM GOLDMAN SACKZ. SO NOWZ GOLDMAN SACKZ IZ NOT HAVING ANY STOCKZ THAT GO DOWN. THEY JUST HAZ CASH.

 
MUST BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO MESSEZ WIF YOUR CUSTOMERZ ALL TEH TIME.

K THX BAI,
MANNIE

THUMBZ HAZ PRICES NAO!

O HAI,

I WUZ READING MAI MORNING EMALES AND I SAW DIS ARTIKLE: http://bit.ly/b39oZZ.

IT SEZ DAT TEH HOOMAN INSURED HIZ THUMBZ FOR US$13M. I'M NOT SHUR, BUT I THINKZ DAT DIS IZ TEH AMOUNT OV MUNNY I WILL NEEDZ TO HAZ THUIMBZ.

NAO, I WUZ WATCHING TEH GOLDMAN SACKS TESTIMONEY ON TEH MAGIC BOX TODAI, IZ NOT SHUR DAT INVESTMENT BANKING IZ TEH BEST WAI TO MAKEZ DIS MUNNY.

HAZ ANYONE ANY IDEEZ HAO I CAN MAKEZ US$13M?

K THX BAI,
MANNIE

I CAN HAZ FRAUD?

O HAI,

I GUES TEH HOOJ NEWS 2DAI IZ TEH SECURITIEZ AN EXCHANGE COMMISHUN (SEC) IZ SUIN GOLDMAN SACHS 4 FRAUD.
YOO CAN READ ABOUT IT HERE: http://bit.ly/9b5Xru

IM NOT HUNDRD PERSENT SURE WUT TEH ISSUE IZ, BUT IM PRITEE SURE DAT ALL OV WALL STREET HAS BEEN BASD ON FRAUD.

IF I BUILD HOUZ BADLY JUS 2 SELL IT QUICKLY AN TAEK TEH MUNNY AN RUN. DEN TEH HOUZ FALLS APART IN 1 YEER, THAZ CALLD CRIMINAL FRAUD

IF I SELL COLLATERALIZD DEBT OBLIGASHUN (CDO) 2 MAK HOOJ BONUS, AN DOAN CARE WUT HAPPENS 2 TEH CDO IN FEW YEERS, DAT IZ CALLD INVESTMENT BANKIN.

DIS AR TEH Y AMERICANZ DOAN MAK ANYTHIN NOMORE. IZ EASIR 2 MAK MONEY IN BANKIN.

DIS IZ Y IZ GOING IN2 INVESTMENT BANKING. IZ EASIER TO DOMINATE TEH WORLD. AN WILL HELPZ ME MAKES MUNNY 2 BUY THUMZ. I GUES I HAZ TO GET MBA.

K THX BAI,
MANNIE