Putting Goldman Sachs In A Corner

Hi,

My world domination heros, Goldman Sachs, is being picked on by everyone. I think the problem is that they are behaving like cats, but they are human beings.


Who is cuter?

Now, you might put up with bad behavior from the kitty, but not the ugly, angry man.

First, the Chinese are mad at Goldman Sachs. Basically, some Chinese companies bought some oil futures contracts when oil prices were going crazy. This is normal. Many businesses, like airlines, buy these to try to control their expenses. In the USA, many business have to use hedging or they might get sued. Now, in this case, if the price of oil goes down, then the companies will lose money. This is normal too. But the Chinese are mad at Goldman Sachs, because they lost money, because the price of oil went down. The Chinese are mad because Goldman Sachs made money off of them.

Then, Goldman Sachs has a bed bug problem. I think that they are responsible for all the bed bugs in the city right now. I don't know why they would do this, but they must have a plan. Maybe they own all the exterminators in the city. They have to use a doggie. I guess that's one thing doggies are good for.

But at least their customers are staying with them. I think this is funny, because they already told their customers they don't like them. Their customers must be masochists.

Thanks,
Manny

O HAI,

MAI WURLD DOMINASHUN HEROZ, GOLDMAN SACKZ, IZ BEENG PICKED ON BAI EVERYONE. I THINKZ TEH PROBLEM IZ THAT THEY IZ BEHAVING LIEK KATZ, BUT THEY ARE HOOMIN BEENGZ.


WHO IZ CUTER?

NAO, YOU MITE PUT UP WITH BAD BEEHAVIOR FRUM TEH KITTIE, BUT NOT TEH UGLEE, ANGREE MAN.

FIRST, TEH CHINEZE ARE MAD AT GOLDMAN SACKS.
BASICLY, SUM CHINEZE COMPANEEZ BUYZ SUM OIL FUTUREZ CONTRACTZ WEN OIL PRICEZ WUZ GOING CRAZEE. THIS IZ NORMAL. MANEE BIZNESSEZ, LIEK AIRLINEZ, BAI THESE TO TRY TO CONTROL THIER EXPENCEZ. IN TEH USA, MANEE BIZNESSEZ HAZ TO UZE HEDGING OR THEY MITE GETZ SUED. NAO, IN THIS CASE, IF TEH PRICE OV OIL GOEZ DOWN, THEN TEH COMPANIEZ WILL LOOSE MUNNY. THIS IZ NORMAL. BUT TEH CHINEZE ARE MAD AT GOLDMAN SACKZ, BECAUZ THEY LOOSEZ MUNNY, BECAUZ TEH PRICE OV OIL GOEZ DOWN. TEH CHINEZE IZ MAD BECAUZ GOLDMAN SACKZ MADE MUNNY OFF OV THEM.

THEN, GOLDMAN SACKS HAZ A BED BUG PROBLEM. IZ THINKZ THAT THEY IZ RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL TEH BED BUGZ IN TEH CITY RITE NAO. I DUZNT NAO WAI THEY WUD DO THIS, BUT THEY MUST HAZ PLAN. MAYBEE THEY OWNZ ALL TEH EXTERMINATORZ IN TEH CITY. THEY HAZ TO UZE A GOGGIE. I GUESSEZ THATZ ONE THING GOGGIEZ ARE GUD FOR.

BUT AT LEEST THEIR CUSTOMERZ ARE STAYING WITH THEM. I THINKZ THIS IZ FUNNEE, BECAUZE THEY ALREEDY TOLE THIER CUSTOMERZ THEY DUZNT LIEK THEM. THIER CUSTOMERZ MUST BE MASSOKISTZ.

K THX BAI,
MANNIE

GOLDMAN SACHS SAYS SCREW YOU TOO

Hi,

Yesterday, I told you how Goldman Sachs, my world domination heroes, was telling all their clients it is a good time to buy stocks: http://bit.ly/9niuMT.

Well today, the markets are down all over the world. This is because of the threat of war in Korea, and the problems in Europe (This time it's Spain. Spain is a pain).

But Goldman Sachs is up! That's because smart people know that Goldman Sachs made money yesterday from their customers. They told their customers to buy stocks - the customers did - from Goldman Sachs. So now Goldman Sachs isn't hold any stocks that went down. They just have cash.

 
Must be nice to be able to mess with you customers all the time.

Thanks,
Manny

O HAI,

YESTERDAI, I TOLD YOU HOW GOLDMAN SACKZ, MAI WURLD DOMINATION HEROZ, WAS TELLING ALL THER CLIENTZ IT IZ GUD TIME TO BAI STOCKZ: http://bit.ly/9niuMT.

WELL TODAI, TEH MARKETZ ARE DOWN ALL OVER TEH WURLD. THIS IZ BECAUZ OV TEH THREAT OV WAR IN KOREA, AND TEH PROBLEMZ IN YOURUP (THIS TIME IZ SPAIN. SPAIN IZ A PAIN).

BUT GOLDMAN SACKZ IZ UP! THATZ BECAUZ SMART PEEPLE KNOWZ THAT GOLDMAN SACKZ MADEZ MUNNY YESTERDAI FRUM THER CUSTOMERZ! THEY TELLZ THER CUSTOMERZ TO BAI STOCKZ - SO TEH CUSTOMERZ DO - FRUM GOLDMAN SACKZ. SO NOWZ GOLDMAN SACKZ IZ NOT HAVING ANY STOCKZ THAT GO DOWN. THEY JUST HAZ CASH.

 
MUST BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO MESSEZ WIF YOUR CUSTOMERZ ALL TEH TIME.

K THX BAI,
MANNIE